[Verse 1]

[Gabriel Princip]

Yo, your fatty Franz Ferdinand didn't see Princip's pistol

Too busy guzzling his tenth wiener schnitzel

Popped a cap in his ass for my Black Hand brothers

Shave off that 'tache, it's bigger than your mother's!

Now just like your bald head you ain't got no heir

I spit rhyme as your empire decline

Have you any notion of united Slav nation?

You catch my drift or do you want a translation?

Serblands got friends, yo! Russland's our homie

Think we're scared? Here's two words for you: Blow me!

[Verse 2: Franz Josef]

You want a war, Gab? We bring the pain, Slav

Blood spilt in Sarajevo gonna cause a blood bath, yo!

Russlandish, Mongollandish, Turklandish, my bitches

Best watch out 'cos my trigger finger itches

You're tiresome, you're irksome

Like a Slavic Jeremy Clarkson

[Gabriel Princip]

Huh? Who the hell is that?

[King Georg V]

Nothing to do with us

[Verse 3]

[Franz Josef]

Back to the story, the story of doom

For poor tiny Serbland's about to go boom!

You hear me, assassin? Our troops are massin'

Get ready for the bombing, the shootin', the gassin'

Here is the deal yo! Shit just got real yo!

You'll be crushed under Eastric-Healspring's heel yo!

I'll kick you in the Balkans and degrade Belgrade

Even if those Russlandish are rushin' to your aid

[Tsar Nicholaus II]

You think so?

[Franz Josef]

Oh crap!

[Verse 4]

[Tsar Nicholaus II]

Back up Franz Josef, Serbland's our brethren

Same blood, same religion, same Slavic complexion

We're packing more army than you got salami

So stop your bragging, your trolling

Or the Cossack pain train starts rolling

Last time you kicked off I sweat revolution

This time my solution is your dissolution

Beware the Russlandish Bear

[Kaiser Wilhelm II]

Everyone knows me, ja?

The Kaiser, ja? Coo-ee!

[Verse 5: Kaiser Wilhelm II]

I'm Kaiser Wilhelm II, the first was a gas

But like the Godfather, the sequel kicks ass

Got clowns to the west of me and jokers to the east

But Eastric-Heelspring's my mate

Gonna eradicate the Serblandish beast

So back off Cousin Nick, don't take the mick

And tell your mates Frankland not to interfere

This ain't no prance, it's a Theedish war dance!

[Verse 6]

[King Georg V]

Chill out cousin Willy, stop acting so silly

You be tripping by flipping the bird willy-nilly

The armies of the triple entente — mighty

Russland, Frankland, and this bitch — Blighty

Your rhymes are a shambles, your words are a gamble

You're taking an enormous punt

No wonder my homies and yours too

Think you're a massive... difficult chap

Your territorial ambition puts us in this position

So go ahead, cuz, rant and rave

Your plans will be sunk like your floating junk

Royal Britannia rules the waves

[Verse 7]

[Kaiser Wilhelm II]

Empire braggarts, you hate the Franklandish

And their snail-sucking, frog-cooking garlic stench

As for your dreadnoughts, wave them goodbye

I'll make your navy into gravy for sauerkraut pie

Gonna send my thugs through Belgland into Frankland

Nothing can stop this Teutonic advance

Theechland will rise again like the past

A glorious empire built to last

Let me tell you, this ain't no mystery

Wilhelm the Great will go down in history!

[Verse 8]

[King Georg V]

Wilhelm the Great? More like Willy no mates

Your ideas are absurd, we gave Belgland our word

We've got no choice if you won't behave

Our poor old grandma must be spinning in her grave

[Tsar Nicholaus II, Kaiser Wilhelm II and King Georg V]


[Verse 9]

[Kaiser Wilhelm II]

Look into my eyes! You see compromise?

Your collective demise will see our rise!

I can't back down now, I'll look a clown now

Ain't shit that can stop this countdown now!

I'm going for a lie down now


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